Welcome to my TED talk...

 I've started journaling. Why doesn't spellcheck think journaling is a word? It's been interesting so far. I used to call myself a writer because I actually wrote things. But I haven't written anything much beyond meeting notes and grocery lists in the past couple of years. Journalling has really helped me get back into that feeling that writing gives me. It's a feeling of my thoughts organizing themselves and flowing from my brain to hand and pen to paper. 

My most recent journal prompt was 'If you had to give a TED talk tomorrow, what would it be about and why?' Interestingly, at least to me, the response came to me very quickly. I think it'd be easy to jump to some hobby or craft and do your middle school This-Is-How-To-Do-A-Thing idea. TED talks are more than that. They make me think of Brene Brown and Steve Jobs; people with big ideas to whom public speaking is as simple as tying your shoe. Even tying shoes takes practice though. 

My response though is both personal and public. So here's pretty much verbatim my journal entry: 

Either one of two things but maybe they're kind of the same thing.

Some times when I reflect back on my behavior when I was young I get embarrassed. Why was I so awkwardly loud and attention-seeking but only in the places I was very comfortable? I could turn green with the retro-shame. I also think about the poor choices I made. But this kind of reflection leads me to two conclusions.

First it makes me think about my experiences when I was a child, teen, and young adult. I can reflect on how my subconscious coped with trauma and the different experiences. Recognizing those experiences and learned responses helps me see what I've already done to mature beyond that awkward phase and those inappropriate feelings and behaviors. Also I can see where I have room to grow. 

So that all is part one - why it's important to reflect on our pasts and to give yourself grace because we don't always react and behave the ways we want to but that doesn't mean we can't grow and change.

The other half of this is about having grace for others. We don't know their life experiences or how they feel about their own behaviors. Make room for others to grow too. Also I believe there is beauty in everyone. They may have buried it deep for whatever reason, but the beauty is there. 

Be kind as much as you can.

The only addendum I'll make to this as a public post is that our past experiences and trauma do not excuse us from the consequences of our actions today. There are no 'get out of jail free' cards in real life. All of our actions have consequences and we're responsible for our actions and reactions today. If we don't like our actions or reactions then it's up to us to change them.

-DG