I had an odd dream today while napping. This dream was full of people that I didn't specifically recognize except my mom. But it's what's happened with all these people that really stood out to me.
A large group of folks were gathered around a stream, waiting for a wedding to begin. We all got to talking and in a subtle way we began to discuss systemic racism and structures that discriminate against certain groups.
One person, a white woman, began to talk about how a river than ran by her home rose up and flooded part of the property and home. She talked about how she handled it all on her own and without any sort of help. There was some dream logic in her words where things made sense because it was a dream, but those explanations don't carry over well into consciousness. The analogy from it came down to not letting circumstances dictate your reactions and somethings just are they way they are.
Another person then spoke up as the conversation started to shift. This second person was a person of color. I couldn't tell you their ethnicity exactly, but I think that's part of the point. This person hesitantly but firmly said "I have a question." She said (this is a paraphrase based on what I can remember and what I feel from the dream still), "Why do white people deny or ignore systemic racism? Why don't white people do something instead of retreating, denying, or explaining away systemic problems?"
Me, in the dream, oh so confident, I had a response. I think some of the other dream people were surprised by this question, but I wasn't. I could sense the question was a deep hurt for a lot of people.
So here is the gist of my response:
I think that when we as white people are confronted with system racism is makes us uncomfortable. These systems work in our favor, to our advantage. So much so that we may even take them for granted. When white people see that a system is unfairly leaning in our favor we're confronted with the knowledge that someone else is disadvantaged. Knowing that we're benefiting from it forces us to reflect. Self reflection is scary because we will likely find that we have done wrong. And no one wants to feel like they're the wrongdoer. It's much easier to stop this process and just say things like systemic racism doesn't exist instead of doing the work of self reflection and taking ownership in our part of a system and culture that discriminates against a people who don't look like us.
Let me be clear, I am not saying I have all the answers about systemic racism or any other complicated, deeply seated issue. But I do think we can speak things clearly in dreams. The dream world is a place were I can be the best version of myself. And this version of me, in this dream, spoke some true feelings and views that I hold.
How true is it that we don't like to self reflect for fear of finding that we are the wrongdoer? That we are the one who made a problem worse? We want to be the good guy, the hero, in our stories. So to admit that we are ignorant (willfully or not) to a culture and system that lends advantage to us means recognizing that we have behaved in ways that we're not proud of.
But really, deep down in the part of your heart and mind that knows systemic racism is wrong... we know that we must do this work of self reflection and recognize our part in the system. If we want to be the hero like we are in our dreams then we must be better humans in our waking lives. It's not about being a hero in reality, but being a genuine person who genuinely seeks good for yourself and others.
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