First of all, yes, that title is a Britney Spears reference. Moving on. I want to talk about toxic positivity. I want to preface this by saying that I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or any such profession. This is a topic that is important and somewhat new to me. I am offering my perspective on toxic positivity.
Have you ever seen a tshirt or canvas wall art that reads "Positive Vibes Only"? To be fair, even I own a shirt with this phrase. To continue fairness, life isn't only positive vibes. I mean it's not even all happy times in Neverland - Wendy is kidnapped, Tinkerbell is kidnapped, Hook is terrified of crocodile (which is totally legit). But what is toxic positivity? Great question, friend.
Toxic positivity is the concept of only having a positive outlook or attitude despite any other feelings, physical or emotional. If you live by a strict 'positive vibes only' mantra then there's no room to explore the rest of our emotions. It's unhealthy to only focus on and project positivity. It's unhealthy to ignore our pain and sadness. It's a poison paradise to live in a place of only projecting a positive outlook when you genuinely are not feeling happy. It invalidates our emotions and experiences.
Unfortunately, it's easy to be guilty of this kind of attitude. I know I have been. You just want to encourage someone so you say "everything will be okay." Whether or not a situation will end up being okay isn't the question. And it's not bad to hope that it will be okay. But in the moment, we ignore what we're feeling, and that's the issue here.
As I said I am not a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. So I'll refer you to some resources for stopping toxic positivity and helping up change our responses. But I also want to clarify the difference between this concept and optimism.
Optimism is a hope for the future. It's not just hoping things will get better though. Optimism does not mean ignoring injustice, bullying, or violence. It is a hope that through our actions we can stop injustices. Obviously we cannot predict the future, but we can create change. We can have hope that our choices and actions matter because they do. What we do right now can affect how we see the situation and how we react to it.
Optimism is hope in ourselves and what we can actually do right now. It's not 'fake it til you make it'. That attitude is also toxic. Hope is tricky topic Hope requires trust - in ourselves and others. It's also an expectation - that the future will be a certain way. But to change how the future will be is to choose how we respond.
We cannot say everything will be okay. We can acknowledge our feelings in the moment and the bad experiences themselves. We can also decide how we will behave and respond to make a better future.
Here are some resources for shutting down toxic positivity:
Don't Always Look on the Brightside - Psychology Today
What is Toxic Positivity - Health.com
Time to ditch 'toxic positivity' - Washington Post
How to Avoid Toxic Positivity and Focus on Your Emotional Wellbeing - Bestow.com
-DG
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